Pet/Ct scan allergic reaction and new lump

Monday morning September 30, I was scheduled to have my first Pet/CT scan. I was allowed nothing to eat or drink for 6 hours prior to the procedure. I had woke up with stomach pain from constipation caused by the many pain medications I take, as the cause paralysis of sorts to your intestinal tract. I had been constipated for several days. I had spent hours in and out of the bathroom, in pain until eventually I was able to go move my bowels. It was very painful and contained blood due to the straining, but after the initial constipation then the bowel is very loose. I tell you this because I am trying to honestly depict the true suffering patients such as me endure, things that are not spoken about, the things we suffer in silence. I was in a lot of bone pain as well. The doctor had added an opiate based Fentanyl pain patch I now wore around the clock to the existing opiate I took every four hours for breakthrough pain, only this patch did not stick well when I had applied it. I found out later in the day that this patch was defective and I had been without pain meds for two days without knowing. After I was able to finally leave the bathroom and pull myself together, I splashed water on my face to remove the cold sweat that the pain and exertion had caused. The phone rang and my oldest daughter Savannah’s school nurse called she wasn’t feeling well and needed to come home, so Steve rushed to get her so he could be back in time to get child number 2 on the bus. Tori started crying I believe form a mixture of being jealous that Savannah would be home and that I had to go back to the dr’s again. She cried until she got on the bus but was then fine. But it caused me a lot of anxiety to know that I would have to leave one sick 13 year old child at home and the other was distraught on her way to school. Cancer steals so much , it robs you from being the Mother you have always been. I hate that part. Mom and Dad were "on call" if Savannah needed them but she just went to bed and slept, they were also on call if we should be held up so they could drive here and get Tori off the bus.

I called the cancer center to see if they could bring me in to examine the spot, I already had an appointment with them to have my port accessed as the Pet/Scan center doesn’t access ports, and they needed to administer a sugar based radioactive tracer for the procedure I was to have. I could not reach the cancer center and was forced to leave a message after waiting several hours with no return call and getting close to the time of my scan, Steve and I decided to just show up in the hopes someone would look at the lump I had found. As we went to the back to have my port accessed I informed the nurse what was going on with the lump, she had a Physicians assistant come back to the access room and examine it. Her thoughts were that it was an infection but was unable to express anything from it to send for culture. She advised me to apply antibiotic cream and show my oncologist on my Wednesday visit. If it had not cleared by then I would need to see the surgeon again. It was the physicians assistant that discovered that my pain patch was not working. We had no time to go and get a new one as it was now time for my PET Scan.

At my appointment with the Medical oncologist earlier that week I had addressed my fear of this test as I had a severe anaphylactic allergic reaction to an MRI previously. She decided pre-medication was not necessary.

We arrived for the scan around twenty minutes early filled out the necessary paperwork and took a seat. This is the same building I will be having my radiation. I am set to have an appointment here in two days to find out the radiation start date.

The nurse came out and asked a few questions, at that point I again expressed my concern about an allergic reaction. But she said it was just a sugar based compound with a radioactive tracer added and I would be fine.

Another technician came out and led to me to a portable PET/CT unit outside the building in a trailer of sorts. She placed me in a recliner and walked over to a metal box with a glass shield for her to stand behind. She used gloved hands to fill a metal syringe with the radioactive tracer and then dropped the vial into a metal container and locked the lid... Hmmm, I thought doesn’t look so harmless to me. Anyways, she then walked over and injected it into the tubing connected to my port. I was told they were running 45 minutes behind. I had to sit there for 50 minutes for the tracer to go through my cellular system. So, I sat there a long time, in pain because as I stated earlier I my pain patch was defective but we had no time between appointments to deal with that yet. I had taken an Dilaudid orally but it was too low of a dose to help with the pain and it upset my empty stomach. But, what choice did I have but to dutifully sit and wait for them running late? So sit I did. I tried to dose but it was freezing in there. It was a very small cubicle with the place the tech had filled my radioactive vial, and two recliners with a curtain between them. There was another patient on the other side of the closed curtain.

Finally, it was my turn to be led through a small hallway and into the scan room. I was told to lay on a table. The Tech asked me if I could hold my arms over my head for the entire procedure which would take approximately 25 to 30 minutes. She said that ot would give far better films than if my arms were down. And since I had lymph node involvement under my arms I decided it was in my best interest , despite the pain to do so. She stressed I had to lay completely still and could not change the position of my arms throughout the procedure. About five minutes in I realized just how hard that was going to be to accomplish. The neuropathy that the chemo had caused as well as the incision pain had my fingers first numb then throbbing with nerve pain. I prayed non-stop not only to make it through, but that nothing would show on this scan. Cancer cells love sugar so they would travel and accumulate in areas where there was cellular change such as a tumor, the radioactive tracer that was bound to the sugar would then light up and show on the scan as an are of question. I managed to make it through the test but was very un comfortable and covered in cold sweat for the sheer determination it took to make it through. I was told I was finished then led back to the waiting room to where Steve was waiting for me.

The Pet Scan lab does not access or de-access ports. So we than had to go back a mile or two down the orad to the cancer center to have them take the access out. When I got there I sat in a recliner and the nurse pulled my collar down to reach the port. She got an alarmed look on her face. I guess in all of my misery I had failed to notice that I was in the midst of a full blown allergic reaction. Thank goodness I had to go back to that chemo center that day where they could help me.

I was immediately surrounded by a very concerned husband, many nurses, my Oncologist and her Assistant. I was red with a raised rash all over my face arms and upper chest,back, and arms. I was nauseated, in pain and all around miserable. When the sweet nurse manager at the center came to my side. I cried and relieved some tension and told her how tired I was of all of this. That this viscious cycle never seemed to have an end. I was treated with many meds, lone of which was a mega dose of steroids. Which I hate. They keep me up for days. And they and the taxol have caused me to gain 30 pounds over the last 3 months. I have never been overweight and this weight gain though though I am certain was partially attributed to my inactivity was not due to overeating. I had been carrying around a lot of water retention as well. So much so that two days prior, my Hubby had to but my wedding band and engagement ring off with metal cutters as they were turning my finger purple. I had managed to keep that ring on throughout this whole process it had never left my finger other than cleaning from the day he placed it there...it was like a part if me. I cried myself to sleep that night over it.

After a short while, the Oncologist decided that she wanted even more steroids pushed by IV to get them in my system fater as my tongue was beginning to burn and swell. When the nurse pushed the Decadron steroid via I.V. it caused a burning in my genital and anal area that I will not soon forget. I said um, I have a very weird burning going on down there as I wiggled to try to not let my bottom touch the chair. They had to giggle as they said it was normal. They said an older lady had the same sensation one day when treated and told them she had been out of action for so long that she kind of liked it. That did make us all laugh and broke the tension a little. But you know, they could have warned a girl.

A little while later and with not enough improvement I was on my way to the emergency room. Which thankfully was right across the road. I was promptly placed in an observation room. As I was waiting to be seen I overheard the nurse on the phone with many people trying to find the poor old gentlemen in the curtain next to me which I could not see a ride back to the nursing home he came from. His insurance would not pay for ambulance transport because he was able to sit up in a wheelchair. So the only way he could get back to the home was to pay $25 measly dollars that he did not have. This sickened me. So I had my husband call the nurse into the room where I tried to hand her the money to get this poor man home. She said it touched her heart that I would do this, but she was not allowed to accept money from me. Thankfully she was able to get him transported by a wheelchair van about an hour later.

I could see through the opening that she told another nurse what I had tried to do. The nurse came in and chatted with me for a bit and realized that her and my husband had known each other growing up. Before she left she gave me a big hug and her personal cell phone number in case I would ever need anything at all. Touched me deeply.

The doctor came in and was a very kind man, he gave me another mega dose of steroids. Then replaced my pain patch and gave me nausea meds via my port. Bu when it came to the Dilaudid he only gave me half my normal dose saying it would work well enough. I tried to explain to him I had been without pain meds for two days and had a big ordeal all day long. The nurse comes in to administer the meds and I realized he did only give me the half dose pain meds. I tried to give it time to work but it did not. Frustrated and aggravated to again not have my pain properly addressed I spoke up for myself for once. Called the nurse back in and asked her to speak to the doctor and ask him to give me the proper dosage which is the amount I had on the bottle he was shown when he first came in, so I could at least make it to the car and back up the steps to my bed. He gave in and she came back with more nausea meds as well as the pain med. But that added another 45 minutes to our hospital visit.

When the nurse was administering the meds she told me her Mom had ovarian cancer 16 years prior then got breast cancer and died at the age of 42. One year younger than me...this nurse was not very old, and my heart ached for her. I pictured her being around my oldest daughters age at the time, and it really hit home. She said her Mom did not have chemo at that time. I asked if I could hug her and told her how sorry I was and she teared up a little. I am sure that is why she is the wonderful and compassionate nurse she is. Yet,I hate this terrible disease.

This is the day after my reaction I am still heavily medicated but am home in my bed. The steroid again has me unable to sleep, so I decided it was a good time to get back to telling you my story.

port mishap

I do not understand why this always happens to me.Finally after being in nonstop pain since Wednesdays chemo I gave in and went to the ER last night. The bone pain and nausea were more than I could bear for another second. It took probably 20 minutes for me to get down the steps from my room and to the car. We got a nice doc that was very willing to help me and ordered me pain meds and nausea meds. The nurse comes in and misses my port. but she thought it was in there so she started pushing the saline. I had my head turned because you aren't even supposed to breath on your post when it is accessed I started feeling pressure and burning in my chest I never felt before so I told her to stop it wasn't in right and was burning badly and giving me a heartburn type feeling. she wiggles it around trying to see if changing the needle position would work. Then poke number 3. Nope She leaves it in comes nurse number two who decides that she will take out first port attempt and try again. First of all I noticed that the kit she was using had white gloves my kit has purple gloves. So I ask her about that and she said oh ours don't have them we use out own sterile gloves, okay well the last nurse had a kit that looked just like mine with purple gloves it is for a power port. She comes in palpates my port with by the way her bare hand after it already had a hole in it from the last port attempt. But I was in too much pain to notice this Steve and Tori were watching it all. Then she proceeds to swab the antiseptic on my chest. Steve freaks out, she was swabbing iodine on my port area with the hole in it and I am allergic to iodine. UGGG . she says its ok because I was allergic to iv iodine. Scrubs it off, proceeds to get her stuff set up, She lays me flat which I tried to tell her NEVER works they access you sitting up at the cancer center. And guess what failed post access number 4. After 20 more minutes in comes nurse number 3. Now we have at this point been here for 3 hours and I have yet to receive a drop of medicine. I told this nurse which was an older lady and the last nurse that the d pushed fluids in me that caused a lot of chest discomfort and the older nurse said yes that would be uncomfortable. and I said what will it do? I mean this port is somehow connected to the arteries of my heart. She said it will absorb its only saline, But after looking at their failed attempts she wouldn't try it at all. So she leaves. Back in comes nurse number two and 3 they had a baby sized iv needle they inserted it into my only good vein. gave m nausea meds and then pain meds. Took ten minutes total to give me the meds. Then the doc comes in and I told him all of what had happened. No response. Well we will go ahead and get you out of here. BTW when I asked what they were giving me by iv , it was exactly the same strength meds I had at home?? Over 4 hours later and we leave in the wheelchair I came in with. He did give me a prescription for a pain patch fentanyl that stays on for 3 days. Which would be a good thing but he gave it to me in the same strength of the 12 hour pills I have here. Which I take round the clock. I asked why not give me something stronger since what I have is not working? He said well then you would sleep all of the time. UGGG SOOOOO????? I was crying which I NEVER do, when talking to docs.this was my last chemo The doc told me that this pain will take a year or so to go away and some pain never will. But this intense chemo pain, after 24 solid weeks of treatment, and after 4 surgeries. And you are worried I might get some sleep??? Oy thank God this was my last chemo and I pray I never need it again. So I get home more exhausted than ever. And now I have to get back up the stairs to bed. Thank goodness Steve is strong. So I am home wearing this patch. With a worse headache from stress. And a big pocket of fluid that the nurse pumped into my now very sore chest and port area. praying it doesn't cause any issues other than the chest pressure. I have had this port accessed close to 100x and they have never missed. Every time I go to the hospital they miss. Why don't they train them? as well as the importance of sterility needed with cancer patients? Tomorrow is 6 month follow up from mastectomies at Magee. Prayers needed to find the strength to get there.

Chemo number 23!

I'm sorry I haven't updated...chemo this time made me very sick as the last two bags were infused...I'm sure it is the accumulative effects and I didn't watch as carefully and am not positive that she gave me both of the bags of anti nausea premeds...Mom said she thinks she only saw one hanging as well. Anyways about the middle of the last premed bag I always start feeling nauseous and stomach crampy get red cheeks and get hot... it usually passes... This time though it didn't and as soon as the chemo bag was hung I got really strange feeling... I was getting a headache another normal thing on chemo day but everyone around me started to look like I was seeing them in a fishbowl and even voices started sounding warbled I was seeing floaters in my eyes...got immensely nauseous and felt like I was gonna faint at any minute... all of which is not a good thing especially when I have to go to the restroom every ten minutes and if I go down in there all of the toxic chemo bags would bust on the floor and that would be a hazardous waste dump... So Mom always walks be in and then stands outside of the door but this time she had to go in and steady me and stay with me everytime. When I started feeling so bad Mom insisted I have the nurse check my vitals... So she did, but she shut down the chemo for a while to make sure I was okay. When my heart , lungs and pressure all looked good she started it back up...I was able to finish but I felt and apparently looked terrible the whole time I went into the restroom one last time before we left and the nurses were waiting outside of the door for me as they knew I would resist, but they would not let me walk out of the center... and I probably would have been stubborn enough to try. So the were waiting for me with a wheelchair. Dad had to practically lift me into the car I was sick the whole way home...just exhausted headache and still so odd feeling. When we got home Dad lifted me out of the car and somehow got me into this house me trying to walk but him carrying most of my weight. I had to go a few steps then stop... when we got in I had to stop and sit... then I had to stop again in the next room. The steps looked like mount Everest to get to my room... so with Dad helping I crawled up them...but it took a LONG time. When I finally got up there Mom had to literally help me on and off the the toilet and dress me then Dad lifted me onto the bed...I know this is probably TMI for many but I want you to have a realistic view of what cancer patients go through. I do not know what I would do without my Mom and Dad. They never make me feel humiliated but I so hate they have to take care of me and spend so much time doing so. Usually the terrible leg pain doesn't start until the 3rd day but this time it was immediately after chemo. The new meds help a little. I could probably benefit from an ER trip but it is tolerable so I am making do. Mom and Dad WOULD NOT leave my side Mom kept mopping my brow like she did when I was little and dad would sit a little then stand at the bed not quite sure what to do but wanting to make me feel better. Dad went up and got Tori off the bus and then ran and got then dinner at DQ. WI was finally able to convince them that I wouldn't get up without help to the bathroom then they went home.
     I drove Mom when she was going through her own cancer. I spent nights  at the hospital with her.But I am sorry Mom Annamarie Lacey I could have done so much better. The only excuse I had was that Tori was still a baby a... BUt it is not good enough. You and dad have gone above and beyond and taught me a lot through this as well. You will never go to Shady Pines lol.

Doctor withholding meds to to expense.

     After 21 chemo sessions My Medical Oncologist actually HEARD me when I said the nausea meds and the pain meds are not enough, I am suffering, and going to the hospital which is putting me in danger due to the germs that are there. So I started going three days per week to the cancer center Monday for bloodwork, Wednesday for chemo and Friday for anti nausea meds via my port...
    

     Horrible headache...nausea...heartburn...sinus pain and nosebleeds...along with the severe joint pain... ... Oh yeah and did I mention tomorrow is chemo again...Not wanting to feel this bad going in but it is what it is...Tomorrow will be round 21 of chemo... down to the final 3...I will be there just wish I didn't feel so crummy going in... accumulative effects are brutal... BUT YAY IM DOWN to the FINAL 3!!!! Praying for the strength and perseverance to make it...This is hard....

     

Made it through chemo round 21... Thank you Mom and Dad for taking me and for joking and making the unbearable, bearable...DR. Dai (now that I only have two chemos left) finally gave my kytril pills that is what I go get IVs of on Fridays... But she said don't take them a lot they are $125 dollars a pill and are really strong, so that's why I don't give them to patients even those with... severe nausea??? I was like, what??? My insurance paid for them , but why would you have something available to help someone that is truly suffering and withhold that info...not to mention now I do not have to drag myself to cancer center on Fridays cause it is the have same med I have here now...Why wait till the end to make this easier on me? btw my pain meds are now also so much better long acting oxy and then 4 hour dilaudid to cover breakthrough pain...so I should be much better... Though this chemo exhausted me far more than any others Took Mom Dad and Bubby to get me into the house...and then Mom changed my clothes...Steve came home shortly after and It took a long time with him holding me up to get to the bathroom...then he had to carry me back to bed. DR Dai said it is not heart or lungs just chemo induced exhausted...and normal...

    

      Real quick update as I know you guys worry if you don't see a post...BTW I love you for that... I had a terrible night... I literally slept maybe 30 minutes the entire night... I was so weak and my legs in such pain, nausea and had the worst thirst ever... so I was forced to get up every single hour to go to the restroom carrying my bucket even though it is only a few minutes from my bed I cannot ...make it alone. My legs were shaking from the exhaustion was faint feeling had terrible night sweats... Thank God for Steve who never made me ask he listened for every little move I made and got up with me EVERY time he helped me get to the toilet everytime and when I was plain too exhausted to even attempt another step he CARRIED me back to bed ,everytime without a single complaint... I love this man without him My Mom and Dad and sis in laws I honestly do not think I would be alive. Wish I had a better update but this is so hard... the new pain meds do handle the pain a little better so far and th nausea meds helped a little more too but I think both may take a while to build up in my system before I get some real relief... I was hoping to sleep today but the steroid rush is till here and I cant sleep, not to mention I have such hot flashes from them and my now steroid puffy cheeks are so red. I was able to sit up enough to help the girls get ready in my bed this morning... It is nice that Savannah still asks me to do her hair sometimes ; I asked Dr Dai how long after chemo to expect all of this pain and she said the nausea issues go away pretty quickly but the bone pain I can expect to stick around for quite a long time perhaps up to a year...as the arthralgia is not just from inflammation it is accompanied with nerve damage that may hopefully heal with time. Steve did have to go to get his van repaired and may have some small jobs today, I have been able to with a lot of effort make it to the restroom and he set me up with food near my bed...We talked about getting a wheelchair or a walker for these real hard days but neither will fit between my bed and the clawfoot tub beside it... so I would have to walk most if the way... Thank God I have a Big strong Hubby Steve Zitney I love you...I thanked him so many times last night as he first let me lean on him then eventually carried me and he said we we are just dancing...

    

Yesterday I had the nicest visit with my Uncle Digger (Cliff) but always Digger to me... He is my Dads oldest brother and despite fighting cancer himself and enduring chemo he came here to wish me well and brought a beautiful card from the Binnstown Lions Club and himself...with a far too generous donation in it. My Dad just happened to be here as he took my girls fishing then taught them to bread... and fry it...And brought corn on the cob to go with it. So tgey git to visit too. Was so nice to see my Uncle it has been years. I tell you what the Laceys may not be known for their affectionate side, but they sure have shown me love and have rallied around me...And I am proud to be a Lacey. Kelly Lacey Hunt, Don Lacey, Mike Lacey, Kathy Moore, Debra Pettit...I love you all we may not see each other often but so many fond childhood memories are of you all... and I love you.

    August 24th...    This day should be filled with wonderful tings that happened as it is our 11th Wedding Anniversary, but I could not make it out of bed at all , never got out to get a card. Steve was going to go shopping for me and I told him please don't it would only make me feel worse that I couldn't do anything for him...So we will have a do over when this mess is all over. But cheated yet again both of us... I haven't gotten into too much detail about physical things as per the request of my husband. But when I decide to publish this blog into a book I feel the need to put it all out there so you truly get the grasp of what we have been dealing with as far as being in love and desperately needing to feel physical comfort and being toxic and sick and unable to have the very thing that could bring you some solace.
 

     August 26th

Well they were running late at the cancer center but blood work is done don't have results yet though, didn't stay and wait for them cause Steve needed to get to work. I am back home and BOY IS THIS HOUSE QUIET... I hobbled into my craft room and am praying I can finish the gifts for the nurses within the next three weeks. Then I will be done with chemo... I can't believe I have made it this far! ... Though today I was led to ask the nurse and then the head nurse about volunteering at the cancer center...they said they do have a position for that but that people say they will do it but don't show up...so right now they have no volunteers. I have to speak to the center manager and get clearance to do it ...she said it entails holding hands, talking to patients and just helping them through... As soon as I am well enough and able to drive I will be there (probably after radiation) God willing.... Without friends family and prayers I could not have made it through this... I will not desert others that I may be able to help, and I think this is the perfect place to start to try to make positive changes and do what I can in little ways at least to make this easier for those suffering through this hideous disease... I have been forever changed by this journey and will never turn my back on them. There is a support group at the hospital I could join and the nurses suggested I do that long ago but was always too sick and would rather be hands on...The cancer center nurses are wonderful but they run all day they are so busy...the rest of the center is lacking in things...and you all know through my postings that some things are in dire need of change there...Hoping that along the way maybe I can see that that happens...Im thinking that going about this in a loving way may be more effective than going at it like a jackhammer...

 

Feeling UGLY...

      September 31, 2013  Overwhelmed...and a million other emotions.... I haven't been filled with too many inspiring words so I haven't been blogging. The reality of it is I am hating the way I feel, hating the way I look and hating the uncertainty of my future or possible lack thereof... The steroids and the Taxol chemo have done such a job on me... The first kind of chemo while it made me desperately ill and I looked "sick" from being bald and pale and dark circles I still looked like me... this chemo and  and all of the steroids that are pumped into me every single week not only have me feeling horrendous but I do not even resemble myself anymore... It was hard enough dealing with the breast loss and the problems that causes clothing wise. But daily I am gaining immense amounts of weight from fluid retention, swelling, toxicity and inactivity. The hair on my head is coming back in it is snow white and fine like baby hair, but my eyelashes and eyebrows are completely gone. My face is the typical steroid round moon face...and I have the same soft down that is growing on my head on my jawline... I hate to look in the mirror...Hate to try to dress. I have that steroid he/she look .I am androgenous.  My cheeks are so full that my eyes nearly close when I smile that I find this has even stolen my smile away.
     I am trying so hard to fight to live but it is so overwhelming when I realize that this journey just doesn't seem to end, After chemo then comes radiation. After radiation then comes either ovary removal or chemical menopause, which consists of years of hormonal treatments to stop the estrogen production ...All of which I found when I researched causes the same type of bone pain and headaches nausea etc that I am experiencing now. And getting the weight off will be nearly impossible due to all of the above mentioned things...Then I need to decide in the midst of this if I am going to do reconstruction or not...all of while with the threat of recurrence looming in the shadows...Though you aren't supposed to speak of it because that means to some you don't have enough Faith. And all the while doing it in a body that seems like that of a stranger.
     I am certain that these MANY months of terror, nausea, and pain have given me a sort of post traumatic stress syndrome...I have such a steroid high after the chemo treatments along with the hot flashes that the chemopause has caused that I am nearly crazy from being sleep deprived as well.
     I am upset with myself for letting my physical appearance affect me so much but it sure does... I am human and just wasn't expecting all of this physical chance so rapidly with these last 12 weekly doses of chemo... Not to mention the memory loss and chemo fog that I live in daily, leaving me feeling like an idiot when I cant remember the simplest of things.
    Finally this week after Dr Dai prescribing appropriate strength pain relief and anti nausea meds for at home I have been getting some sleep... I am so exhausted I drift off sometimes with my hands still on my laptop. Sleep is a blessing and an escape...But even sleep worries me because I don't want to miss one single second more than I already have.
     I get letters and wonderful gifts and food and uplifting things sent to me often and it does wonders to boost my spirits and remind me of the kindness and love of others and of how many of you are praying for me and cheering me on. And it definitely keeps me going but it makes me feel ungrateful and as if I am disappointing you when I speak of how bad I feel about the way I look and the constant complaining of the terrible pain and the fear...
    So, I am being honest and letting you know why I haven't been present and posting much my head is not in such a good place right now. My heart is heavy and my mind is filled with worry... My soul is filled with Faith and I am always hopeful and prayerful, and am not giving up but I am uncertain of most everything and feel very uncomfortable in my skin.
    I am tired and weary, but I am working on it though ...xoxo
     

Surrounded by angels!

So before I rest I need to tell you one more inspiring story cause I know the lady that did this will never take credit for it on her own... When My cousin Don Lacey had the benefit for me my Friend Renee Koskey shaved her head in solidarity of me. Well my sister in Law Melissa Lewis Zitney was there...Renee and Missy had never met....l told Missy who is wonderful and I love her to death (she runs a nursing home) and is a walking breathing angel.... a little about Renee and that due to having one vehicle she drives her son to Pittsburgh daily to school and sits and waits for him because she worries about his safety being there alone and she knits gifts for others as she waits... and that yearly she shaves her head to raise money for pediatric cancer research...her perfectly healthy head of hair...well talk about paying it forward... Missy said I have a new car and I have one that is parked nothing is wrong with it and I want to gift it to Renee...and as simple as that it was done...Two of my dearest friends who had never met...Missy and Renee met today and she gave her that car to make her life easier. And I guarantee with that gift Renee will do wonderful things and pay it forward... Now how could I not smile in spite of it all when I am surrounded by people like this...God has blessed me with the best souls of gold people I have ever met and I get to call them friends...

Feeling so Blessed... Tori came home with the biggest smile thanks to my cousin Kelly Lacey Hunt and her sweet daughters and granddaughters she is on cloud nine...a day full of babies and shopping...And so glad that she got to meet some of my family that was so special to me growing up.
     Walking wasn't as big of an an issue for me today so I was able to get around okay in my room so grateful for my sweet Hubby who made me a plate of food and stashed in in my fridge in my room so I had a good lunch... Then I ate the zucchini pizza casserole that sweet Lara Keene made for me for dinner. Grateful that today I wasn't so nauseous that I could eat that has been a rarity of late.
      All day I reflected on how many blessings I have and how many people I love and that truly love me back...that is what the world is all about... Quite simply loving one another through it all... the good and the bad...but caring enough to take a minute to smile , to encourage, to hug and to care... and most of all to pray.
     I got to spend some special one on one time with Savannah which was so nice, she is growing so fast and I don't want to miss a second of it...
    I am gonna log off for tonight but I wanted to make sure you all know how much I love and appreciate you... I spend so much time speaking of my misery, but it is not all misery...my body may be weary but my heart overflows...I love you all hope you have sweet dreams xoxo...