They call me Hollywood and behind the bling

My fav nurse at the cancer center calls me Hollywood...

   Let me explain... I dress myself up in my alter ego as hard as it is in my weakened state...to try to sike my self up to be able to even force myself to go... I put on all of my sparkle and bling... and remind myself that I do still look at least a little human under all the misery but it takes a lot of work...The cytoxin chemo makes my eyes run constantly and my upper and lower eyelids are red and sore. I have very few brows left and sparse lashes. Makeup , perfumes or anything of the kind causes a rash to my chemo sensitive skin... So quite the effort goes into this prep. Mentally , Psychologically and physically
     Theresa my favorite nurse calls me Hollywood cause I am so blinged out...lol Dad told me any more sparkles and I would need to join the band of gypsies...lol
   So I have explained the mental reasons why I do this now I will explain the physical reasons... The glasses are necessary because of not only the sore eyes but the lights there are fluorescent and not only am I light sensitive due to chemo but the fluorescence causes migraines. In this pic I have on a tank necessary to be able to access my port, but I wear a long sweater because I am so sun sensitive I would blister just on the 10 minute car ride if sun came through the window...and cold all of the time as well...Ha just realized how much I DO sound like a vampire...lol... I wear my falsies due to the seatbelt ,but only occasionally...and will not due so again because the new ones are heavy,3 POUNDS in fact ! as I just weighed them! hot and force me to wear a bra and the strap interferes with my port...
    I was there and miserable from all of the said sparkles...so I wasn't there long and was wishing for my soft pjs... I had wore a very cute headscarf with sequins right up my ally and I always wear a cotton sleep cap underneath for heat and comfort... well the sequins and the tension of the prefit scraf were torturous so I took them off and sat in my baldness the bra would have come off too but the sequins on my top would have cut me and the port was already accessed so no way to remove the shirt. After the hat was off my head got petted and rubbed by more people than can be imagined...lol and I felt so much better...
    So, now I am ready to share the real me not the pics with me in makeup and thumbs up you see before chemo...this is day one post chemo: and I look far less hideous than I feel... the only color to my face is the steroid induced flushing to my cheeks...

My new breast forms I had thought would be hollow and fitted to my skin, as they need to be, maybe ill invent some hmmm.But no these are gel filled enormous and have to go into a pocketed specialty mastectomy bra... they are hot and as I said 3 POUNDs!

And might I add no price was given to me as my insurance paid for them but I would make an educated guess that they were around $500 EACH as the leisure bean bags were $250 EACH!

 So here is the biggie... I am now ready to show you a little of  what I am left with post mastectomy...mind you this is the good side where no underarm was taken...If medical incision bother you please don't scroll down... I was supposed to have 4" incisions... mine necessitated 10" incisions per side...I was stripped of all tissue from collar bone to rib and to my back even had the chest muscle wall skin stripped off...So to be real and honest in my depiction...I feel the need to show you a little of what I have to deal with and why it is not just a cosmetic choice to choose reconstruction of sort...I am sore always...left only with skin to cover the ribs and severed nerves... and chest wall muscle...and dressing is an almost impossibility as there is nothing to take up even the top of the shirt near the collarbone...so it sticks out allowing full view of down my shirt either baring scars or forcing me to wear the dreaded bra...
So here goes:

I had the mastectomies on February 18th 2013, so I am 4 months post surgery.The top scar is my port I have about a one inch space between this incision and the worse one on the right...I could not fit the whole incision into the pic so the incision actually wraps around to my back... the right incision is more graphic as they removed a portion of my underarm and frankly not gonna show that one right now...
    This is why I write this blog...this is why I bare myself...this is why I try so desperately to inform you to save you from this fate...early detection is so important and the guidelines given women are wrong...Please read further down in my blog to see how I got to be misdiagnosed for 7 years and have had to endure this agony... I love you all and do not wish this for you...
    With the proper diagnostic tools given in a timely manner and not following the wrong recommendation to wait till 40 and only have a mammo, unless you have family history of breast cancer...This is wrong my primary tumor is lobular cancer it is not detected by mammos, it presents as fibrous breasts, ultrasounds only and a trained tech who knows what to look for...it doesn't even feel like a breast lump but thickened tissue... Please know your body and do not trust any doc more than yourself!
     I do not want THIS for you!