So, yesterday was dance pics...first time I have been able to get to dance with Tori in months... Andd it was a blessing to be able to share this with her since I will most probably be missing the recital. All of my dance friends were supportive and nice but I decided not to bring the subject up at all and allow myself and Tori this one day of normal...My best friend Stacy went with me for moral support and to help with her changing if needed.
I did well emotionally...but physically it was a bit too much...Steve came after I dressed her in her last outfit and sat with her until the last pics were done then dressed her in regular clothes and took her out to eat, so that Stacy and I could have time to talk and get something to eat.
I couldn't eat much, but really enjoyed my time with my BFF, we don't have much time to see each other and last time we did the girls were with me and we couldn't just hang out and be us.
Sitting between Tori's pics was the hardest part...I lay alot of the time because my ribs hurt when I sit...along with the fact the bras are not my friend since the biopsies... by the time we had been there over three hours and I had changed her three times in a small bathroom I was pretty much done.
Stacy and I went to Red Lobster to talk and eat, this was the fist time I had seen her since my diagnosis and we have had no time to talk about it... Eventually we did, but first we just talked and laughed and were the best friends we have been since 6th grade... felt good, felt normal, and i so need normal.
We ordered our food and I ordered a strawberry mojito...I have no idea why food hates me but alcohol sits just fine? lol... anyways eventually the subject came up and we talked and cried just a little and decided that I will be ok...she told me that she would not undergo the reconstruction and all of the pain and even more time in the hospital... I am leaning toward that route... but have plenty of time to think about it...
I got ill at the restraunt after only a few bites of food, so we left and on the way home I had the worst pain attack...I got hot and sweaty and could't talk or even breath deeply or the pain overwhelmed me...My breast and my ribs were the issue ,she brought me home and steve came straight home to make sure I was okay, after I got into my comfy bed and didn't have to sit it helped, and my sweet Tori Rose layed there snuggled with me until she was forced into bed well past bedtime...lol, Savannah even came in and gave me several hugs and kisses a couple times, but the pain was still there so I was up most of the night with that...also the pills I am on for the hideous dystonia cause constipation so I always feel full even before I eat.
I am so blessed to have the family and friends I have... I have the best of the best and could not ask for more... and no matter what they are in this with me for the good the bad and the ugly... and support me full heartedly in any thing I decide...
I did get an appt. for tomorrow with the gyne to plead my case for the hysterectomy so I am proactivly beating cancer at the chance to rear its ugly head there next. And Magee called and set me up with the medical oncologist on the same day as my Post op with my cancer surgeon to talk about and set up chemo... which is a relief because I want to go over all of my thoughts about the hysterectomy and the tamoxifin fears.
So after the meeting with the gyne tomorrow I feel I have honestly done all that I can do on my end to prepare myself both emotionally, and proactivly for this battle... I am even going to start the Mediterranian diet as it is wonderful for its cancer prevention properties and for helping to forgo a recurrance...which is fine by my because thats the way I prefer to eat anyways.
Well I love you all and just wanted to post an update before i try to make up for some of the sleep I missed last night.
So, now I have to keep myself busy and sane... My surgery is in 7 days ...
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