My Pink Journey

Have never done the facebook mirror thing in my life...lol but here it is my hair before chemo...on my way out the door to pick out a wig...wish me luck...

 

 

So, the wig... JR hair designs...the man was wonderful...knowledgeble,compassionate...showed me things for over an hour...special orderd one that really looks just like my hair...same texture same color etc...these are made especially for chemo and alopecia...non toxic materials yada yada...when im not so tired i will go into it more as every woman who goes through this hell should have the treatm...ent i got yesterday from that man... Cost $1300.00 but can be made in monthly payments and needs a silicone treatment every month that cost $35 bucks...so being bald will be more expensive than going to the salon... Cyberhair...thats the name of it for any of you in this same position it is a world of difference from the other wigs...they were hideous...hot,ill fitting and just plain wrong... I cried not because of the hair loss i will have but because of the expense...wow, we could use the money for so many more necessary things... you can even swim in the thing...do everything in it...kinda like the tampon box thing you can swim in then, do anything in them....lol only it doesnt cost $8...Anyways he expects me to lose my hair starting within 14 days of the first chemo treatment, it will fall out .

So now i have the wig ordered and the option to wear it...though I honestly hope i have the nerve to not...as I feel a sense of responsibility to teach and learn the right lessons through this. My condition would not be so bad if i had been given the right medical information. One person asking me a question because of my bald head could save a life. I never realized how many things you have to do... and how little time you have to do them to be ready for a huge life changing thing like this. Such as you have to have button down tops and pjs.because you cantlift your arms over your head because of the drains they place and because of axillary dissection. You have no idea how hard that was to find. And i cannot imagine how women in worse financial situations do this. I have had so much family help and am exhausted from the stuff that should be easy. I hope I live to find a way to make some changes, this is way too hard where it should be easiest.

Maybe Ill go dressed like this for chemo:

Both of my kids have gorgeous hair. Savannahs natural waves and perfect highlights, Toris silky like spun gold.
Tonight will be hard as i go to buy a wig. First of all I am floored at the cost and the fact that insurance doesn't cover it... one of the many things I have added to my list of things to try and fix after this mess is over. Tori is having issues with the hair... loss not out of embarrassment but because then she will be able to see how sick I am.
I am not one to mess with my hair, usually up in a ponytail. But today when i looked at it I realized that iItoo have silky hair of spun gold, I just haven't chosen to see it. I have been so self critical of myself that nearly o pics even exist of me. Soon  I will be bald, and going from a d cup to a no cup and will be a shock to see even to myself. Now I worry about how to keep food down not what size jeans I wear.
About the breast since this is where this story began... My doc said they are there only to feed babies, society put emphases on them that doesn't belong there, they are diseased get them off  you don't need them anymore.
I do want this cancer gone...but here's what they are to me: A bond between my children as I as i nursed them from the moment they were born. that is a treasured memory and one that I hold close to my heart. They are the soft pillows that cradle little heads. They are not just nothing. they have meant so much.
Surreal how cancer grows so silently but once you find it it screams and roars and demands all of your attention.
January 4th I learned of you, January 11th i learned your names. February 18th i will lose a treasured part of my body but you cancer will learn who I am, what i am made of and that I will fight you until you are gone from me.
You will not however take my memories I can vividly remember nursing my babies...and i will still cradle little heads close to my heart. This is the first step of a long journey to rid myself of this, Please ladies love yourselves love your bodies. your imperfections are what make you perfectly u!