Alot of big words meaning my breasts are full of cancer, and alot of it. Noone in my family has ever had breast cancer and it was missed by medical professionals for a LONG time therein lies the reason I am in such a mess...I need to give alot of background info as to how this happened but first let me just say, if you have dense breasts and they feel lumpy all of the time do not dismiss this as a normal thing for you... If you do have dense breasts you should be checked with a diagnostic mammo and ultrasound yearly regardless of your age, it does not matter if your family has a history of breast cancer,and you should NOT wait until 40 to have them yearly... I felt lumps all the time but had been told they were normal to my type of breasts and was brushed off. So my last mammo was in 2004 after finding a lump having it biopsied and found benign and a marker was placed. At that point I should have been told I needed a mammo yearly... I was not and was sent away with the info come back at 40. When the first lump was found I was pregnant with my second child...terrifying time but we will come back to that later...
Well life happened my Mom had uterine cancer, my kids had medical issues, I started having huge medical crisis...and my dad had heart stents placed after nearly dying with heart blockages...So, life happened and I didnt go get a mammo. Around November of this year I felt a large area that was swelled and tender on my right breast. It was not a round lump or anthing you could palpably feel as a typical lump but was extremly painful, I thought maybe an infection or inflamation...I decided to get it checked out after the holidays and both kids December birthdays...
I went for my annual exam on December 17 that was also several years overdo and showed my gyne...who didnt look overly concerned but sent me for a mammo and ultrasound. I went to an annex of Magee Hospital on January 4th...and thats when my whole world turned upside down...
I am copy and pasting some posts from facebook to update here posted January 18th
Okay, so I have changed my privacy and weeded out my friends list...So those of you that are reading this are of the select few that I care to share this very personal time in my life with...I have decided the easiest way for me to deal with what is going on is to just put it out there and then move forward... I have Breast cancer...I was diagnosed early January, I am fighting three types and due ...to medical incompetence it has been there for a long time likely years...We have no family history of bc, and i did all of the things i was supposed to... when i found a lump went to doc who dismissed it as nothing, and did no further testing.... I was given the false sense that since I had no history and was under 40 that I had nothing to worry about... Yet here I sit with cancer...which by doctors assumption has been here growing and spreading for years...This is partly why i have chosen to go public with this. You know your body better than anyone get mammos. insist on ultrasounds and do not stop until you are satisfied that you are okay... I am not trying to scare you but if I can help even one person not go through the terror i have it will be worth it...If you think something is wrong follow up..even if you dont get mammos early.
I am humbled and touched by the outpouring of love, help and prayers I have recieved and i will really need you friends as this will be a long and hard battle... i am facing major surgery, chemo , radiation, and more surgery...The worst day of my life was telling my kids that Mommy has cancer... and I am hoping you never have to do that...I have been traumatized, petrified,stunned,angry, so many e...motions I cannot even put words to... I am trying to pull myself together to be able to wage the fight for my life....I look forward to emails and posts and cards...but for right now i am not up to visits...in time I will call on you I promise as i will need you and need "normal"...For now I need your prayers, mostly for my kids and family... This is all happening really quickly... I have cancer...BUT I AM NOT CANCER...I am still me...though my appearance will change please do not offer me pity, please remember that I am still in there and love me and give me laughter and strength...This is what you can do for me... as I go along this journey I will gladly accept the help you have offered...Please do not think by my absence that i do not love you...I just need all my energy for this fight to be here for all of you that I love...
In closing I have to say, I have seen the absolute best in you my friends...your prayer has held me up in the bleakest of hours...and i can feel your love...
I have to tell you of one of the most selfless people I have ever met... My dear friend Renee Koskey...every year she shaves her head to raise money for pediatric cancer... here I am worried because mine will fall out and she does this s...elflessly yearly... She told me in honor of me she intendes to keep her head shaved until I grow mine back...Wow what can you say to that... i love you Renee Koskey... and i love you all my dear friends... And most of all I love my husband, Mom and dad and dear sister and sister in laws that have never left my side for one second through this nightmare...who have helped me to move one foot in front of the other when i have been paralyzed with fear... Marenea Marya M....I love you for all you have done for me... Debra Lacey Pettit...your strength in beating what you went through and everyone faith has inspired me to believe I can beat this... I made a promise that i will fight with all my might and I shall...Cancer you have interrupted my life but you will not take it ...IT IS MINE!!!
I have to tell you of one of the most selfless people I have ever met... My dear friend Renee Koskey...every year she shaves her head to raise money for pediatric cancer... here I am worried because mine will fall out and she does this s...elflessly yearly... She told me in honor of me she intendes to keep her head shaved until I grow mine back...Wow what can you say to that... i love you Renee Koskey... and i love you all my dear friends... And most of all I love my husband, Mom and dad and dear sister and sister in laws that have never left my side for one second through this nightmare...who have helped me to move one foot in front of the other when i have been paralyzed with fear... Marenea Marya M....I love you for all you have done for me... Debra Lacey Pettit...your strength in beating what you went through and everyone faith has inspired me to believe I can beat this... I made a promise that i will fight with all my might and I shall...Cancer you have interrupted my life but you will not take it ...IT IS MINE!!!
posted January 22:
Trying to be brave....though I wake up at all hours terrified because of not only what is growing in my body, but that time is ticking till the serious business starts... Have already faced and tackled news and procedures I would never have thought I had the strength to handle...Tomorrow is another day of tests and another couple days of wait for life changing results...I had to take all jewelry o...ff for my tests tomorrow...BIG DEAL to me, I NEVER REMOVE my wedding ring or anniversary band with three stones symbolizing my hubby and two girls...as wearing them makes me feel like we are always together...all mixed up with the overwhelming gratefullness I feel to wake up to another day. Ultimatly we must take some walks alone...with an unwavering belief that God and the prayers of others will help us to take those steps. This morning I felt weak and tired, didnt want to get up at all but thought if my sweet hubby who will be outside working today and made myself get up and give him an extra hug and a couple sandwiches...I am blessed to know God and to have the love and support of family and friends... you have lifted me and continue to do so..Thank you and i love you!
January 23
Hi friends...just got home been having tests since 10 am...exhausted but ok...good news no sign of cancer in my ovaries...endometrial lining looks a little thick but also looks benign the pain in my abdomen seems to be coming from right ovarian cyst and polyp in my cervix...which they also think is benign...I had a physical and was cleared through pre op for surgery...had the ct with contrast las...t did not have a reaction, they premedicated me, they scanned chest abdomen and pelvis to check everything there is clear...which causes some anxiety..wont have those very important results for about 4 days...only thing left to check is my brain...So happy now because since I cant have mris this is a way they can safely monitor me...also found out today that I have bad veins in my arms and since they are also taking many lymph nodes, I could develop lymphodema and infections easily, so it looks like I will have a port implanted in my chest for some time...Good report today:) nice to come home and tell my kids and u good news. Thank you so much for your love and prayers...Without my husband and Mom and Dad who have never missed one appt...and your prayers I could not get through this...I honestly feel you all carrying some of my burden I love you all...talk soon
January 24
...have been up now over 30 hours due to large dose steroids...Phone rang early this morning was Magee had momentary heart stop thinking this cant be good...But it was wonderful news all scans were back...pelvic ultrasound showed no cancer, just benign polyp,cyst,and benign thickening... Ct scan of chest abdomen and pelvis was all clear of cancerlooked up cervical polyps...says 99% benign and most likely caused in my case by over estrogen production... though suggested it is removed and biopsied so I intend to do that...spleen lesion still baffles me...after I try to nap I will call back doc and make sure no action is needed there...but now cant even see straight going to sleep... only one strange thing, there is a lesion on my spleen...she said radiologist and doc said benign, and no follow up for it...though im gonna do some of my own investigating of that...had to share this good news...
Gotta check out this inspiring video:
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January 28,2013
So I have a couple days with no appts... No needles...no doctors... Got my spare room cleared out a little and came in to pack up the goodies that my sweet customers ordered to help me out...So here I sit looking at my lace, and paint, and glitter, and ruffles... I decided i will NOT pack them away... I plan to play a little today...and a little tomorrow, and a little every day I feel well enough ...to do so... Creating is a part of me it feeds my soul and I need the beauty in my life...So, I have a couple days this week... and maybe a couple next week... then surgery and treatment may delay me some... But they will not RULE my life... I may have to deal with Cancer but its not gonna own me...and thats that!
So today I played with bunnies and glitter and lace and fluff... Sang outloud with Tori to Alison Krauss...(she has heard it hundreds of times and knows every word) I picked her up and danced,and twirled just because shes still small enough and Im still strong enough...I made brownies even though I was too tired and too nauseus to cook...But it brought smiles to the faces of three people I love v...ery much...I listened to the daily drama of teenage life as I looked in wonder at how beautiful Savannah is inside and out. Was graced with the sound of little girl giggles...Because of your prayers and the strength God gave me... My girls and I knew normal today... To me this is heaven and it is enough...Today was a Blessing... And I am so grateful... :) And this...my simple life, I would fight anything for... I love you friends...Just wanted to share my blessing...
Mexico
Peacocks ,also the white ones roamed freely with their little babies, allover our beautiful resort in Mexico. Flowers so colorful and large they almost didnt look real... Butterflies the size of plates...Paradise...so grateful to have share...d that with the kids...Sure wish I could be there now with my toes buried in the sand...my head as well for that matter...Lol...Life is so beautiful, This wonderful world, The laughter of my children. My faithful parents who have not left my side and my strong yet gentle husband. I am blessed, that is what I Choose to see... and those visions will never leave my mind or heart.
January 28,2013
...Tori kicked Steve out if bed last night, she reached for my hand all night and occasionally one little eye peered open to make sure she wasnt carried back into her own bed...i cannot imagine how confused she is and whats going on in that little head...been up since 4am...pain woke me... everyone got ready to leave for work/school...Took my meds thought I would snuggle down for thoughtless BLIS...S...heard a huge thud which was Tori as she fell and hit every step the while way down. Immediate heart stop...She was fine ,bumps and bruises but kept her home just to be sure...Savannah finds me at random times just to sit with me or hug me...Life is so much fun for her with her friends, but she still remembers me... This day didnt start out in a good way, but ended up being imperfectly perfect...January 4th started out as any other day with Steve and I saying lets go get this mammo over with because this year has to be better than the last... I think I knew what the news would be, think Ive known for some time...could just feel it...I have had such an urgency to say, to go, to do. Once the doc said those words It was as if I was handed a death sentence...still trying to adjust...my life, my body, the peace of mind of my kids...would change drastically. Today started out bad but ended up wonderful... Now it is my job to show my kids how to see wonderful even when its dark and hard to find. I am writing because I am still awake, I usually pour my heart out to my husband or Mom...but this is my burden and I need to work though this journey... I am so grateful they are here for me, but I have to learn to stand alone sometimes, just me And God... Steve is sleeping soundly and as I looked at him tonight I saw he was barely carrying himself...I am learning even in the dark you are never alone...I knew it ,now I Truly feel it... I am and will be okay no matter what...Please take that extra second though to Absorb and truly Love your "normal". Because you never know what kind of day the morning will bring...
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