Port Placement and Misinformation...

    So yesterday I went for the placement of my port... It was an extremely long drug out day... By the time the procedure actually happened I was a nervous wreck...The entire day had started off upside down.
      Steve has never missed a surgery or important appointment yet...but yesterday he simply could NOT miss work again. So, the plan was that Mom and Dad would take me.  Steve stayed home a little late to get Tori off to school...she woke up looking bad ...with her typical belly ache and I'm gonna be sick look...but I wrote a note to the teacher with my sister in laws phone number in case she needed to come home and sent her because I didn't know what else to do.
      I HAD to have this port placed... Time is of the utmost importance in my treatment regimen...and so much has had to be crammed in over just the two months since my diagnosis... I have had mammograms, ultrasounds, transvaginal ultrasounds twice...a full body bone scan, xray, ekg ,full physicals, multiple biopsies, ct scan with contrast, Bilateral mastectomies and port placement...Not to mention meetings with a huge team of doctors, drain removal appointments twice, removal of and repair of popped stitches, upcoming Echocardiogram to be sure my heart can tolerate the chemo, and impending Hysteroscope D & C and Polyp removal...not to mention Toris sickness , vomiting spells and diarrhea and emergency ambulance ride...
   So before Dad and Mom could even get here Tori had thrown up in her mouth at the top of the hill and couldn't make it to school... Steve was again late for work but Dad stayed with her and mom drove me to the hospital...So, I was already a ball of nerves feeling bad for leaving my baby. When we get to the hospital neither my Mom or I could lift her scooter from the trunk of her car... Uniontown hospital does not supply scooters and I wouldn't have been able or allowed to push her anyways. Let's just say that the 3rd floor same day surgery department is like 10 country miles of a walk to get to... you follow red arrows for like a half hour till you FINALLY get there... Mom barely made it...and i felt terrible for her so my nerves were even worse.
      We get there and the waiting room was FULL... My appointment was at 10:00 so we arrived at 9:30 to register. I saw doctor ball come out at 10:05 I waved and smiled and teased to him I'm next and he said "um,no I have a hernia repair before you" o_O...I told him jokingly hurry up...but in reality when I have to sit for long periods especially in a bra it feels as though acid is being pored over my chest... I haven't really had time to recover as the life of an advanced cancer patient is chock full of appointments and places that you MUST be...
     But Mom and I both said its okay "we are on God's schedule". Then in walks Fayette counties finest...uggg straight from the swamp people series...Anyone that knows me understands that I can get along with anyone...I am friends with everyone...and social or economic differences mean nothing to me. But... five of the rudest ,crudest,dirty mouthed and dirty bodied people I have encountered in a long time overtook the waiting room. They were apparently there waiting on someone to get their gallbladder removed... I learned from the dialogue they so loudly spoke and the endless cell phone ringing and one sided ,loud conversations filled with every other word "f" this and bull&%$ that... They were from age about 19 to age 65... all of which was just as nasty as the next... As the rest of us sat there trapped with them, each of us with out own concerns of pending procedures and on no food or drink after midnight, they were loud obnoxious and even fighting with each other oblivious to all of the rest of us, crunching their Doritos and guzzling red bulls... Ugg... I looked around and saw the same look of horror on others faces there... Most were poor, unfortunate elderly people and I wanted to scream "SHUT UP HAVE YOU NO RESPECT?"i am by no means perfect and have on many occasion thrown my own profanities around...but NEVER like that... Geez...
    So the clock was ticking and I was trying to do anything but pay attention to them which was IMPOSSIBLE! I was very grateful for my mom being there with me, she was comforting...though it felt so odd for Steve to not be... I was so glad not to be alone.
    Then some poor old gentlemen with obvious essential tremor sat across from us...he had a plastic bag and looped his finger into the know tied in it as his hand shook (which he could not control) so did the bag making a never ending crinkling sound...between that ands the flying F bombs I was ready to lose my mind... as the elderly couple across from us shook their heads and smiled reassuringly to me.
     Finally around 10:30 I was taken to the back preop area where a very nice Nurse named Jody gave me a gown to change to... she asked what I was there for and i told her a port placement, she asked for what and i told her and she was floored! She said you had what done??!! How long ago??!! No way! Yes, way my dear Jody...I did and I do and I am the face of what can happen if the correct medical advice is not given... I am advanced Stage 3 Cancer and this could happen to anyone, that's why I speak so loudly and so often...
   Well I got changed and put my falsies in the bag along with my other clothes and was so happy to not have the torture device rubbing me anymore. She took my vitals and asked my allergies yada yada... then realized there was not a bed to be had, it was crazy in there...so after she walked me back and forth looking for somewhere to put me I said I'm comfy right here in this chair, till something opens up.  Me just grateful to be braless...but not so comfy in a thin robe and nothing else underneath, just sitting out for the world to see...lol
    Inside the curtained areas were many people as the chair was in Post Op some poor little boy who looked to be around 4 and another little girl about 8 had apparently had their tonsills out as I recognized that look from when Savannah had hers removed... They tugged so hard at my heart as I cannot stand to see a child in pain, and the looks on their helpless parents faces was heartbreaking... The sounds coming from these poor kids that were into much pain to even really cry...uggg.
     As I sat there noone knew what I was there for or what I am facing I was just another patient waiting for a small procedure...I didn't realize it until later that the nurses that deal with you do not always know the reason behind the procedure they are told what you are having done and how to care for you in recovery after the surgery...They do not know your medical history.
     Finally, Jody who I had told my story went and stole me a bed and put me in a cubby...and they let my Mom come back. Mom told me that her and the elderly couple had struck up a conversation and the lady was also shocked to hear that I was so ill...as I do not look sick and my falsies and shirt cover up the huge evidence of what I have lost. I will however not be so anonymous soon as I will wear the baldhead and look of a typical chemo patient...
     We waited , and waited, and waited all the while I was getting more and more pain from sitting/lying for so many hours and my nerves were building more and more as Conscious sedation does not typically work for me...the mere word Conscious sedation is ridiculous... I don't wanna be conscious... I want to know NOTHING till its over ...I mean really whats the point, just get it done, no need for the anxiety.

    In walks my friend from back in the fun filled days Jessica Spedden Murray she is an Anesthesia tech at the hospital... First of all I have to say anytime me or my kids have had anything surgically done Jess makes sure that she is not only there to see us but that she physically goes into the OR and holds are hands and hers are the eyes we see before we are put out... She has done this for years for me without fail... I cannot tell her how grateful I am especially when it was my girls I had to let go to have surgery to know that she was there with them... I love you Jess! so, anyways as soon as I saw her I lost it and cried which I never do... out of relief , joy, sadness at my situation I don't know. But her being there made it so much better... we haven't had a chance to talk about how I got into this situation so first we talked about that...she got called away to do some other anesthetic business, but told me "do not let them take you without me"...
    As the Anesthesia team and countless nurses and surgical professionals came and went a few asked how my cancer was found... As my story got around more and more came to talk to me... Many having tumors or markers placed and with fear in their eyes as I spoke...as I am not the poster child for what breast cancer looks like I am too young... too healthy etc... and then for them to find how advanced my cancer had gotten at such a young age...they were speechless and angry that this happened to me... I was shocked at the fact that these highly educated women working daily in the medical field did not know the proper procedure for diagnostic imaging with dense breasts or after having a marker placed due to a previous biopsy... NONE of them knew that  a mammo alone would NOT show lobular cancer as it appears as just fibrous tissue...ALL of them thought that It was okay to wait till 40 to have mammos even with dense fibrous breast and lumps being found... How in the world could this be??? I could see the shock in their eyes to hear this information as well as the shock mirroring back at them to know that even those trained in the medical field are misinformed...
    All of this added to my stress of this strange day...they were ready to wheel me to the OR and my antibiotic could not be found??!... one thing after another...all the while I am thinking "conscious sedation" oh crap...
     Finally they wheel me into the OR and there she appears my Angel Jess... her beautiful eyes peering over her mask...she helped me on the or table and then her hand and her eyes never left mine... The table was placed at an angle that made me tilt backwards , my head placed in a donut of sorts... they take the blankets and wrap them around your hands as a restraint... the nurse anesthetist had talked to me so kindly when I told her my story and told her just how sore I still was from the recent mastectomies and could not even fathom a shot of lidocaine in my chest area she promised she would keep me deeply sedated...
   The doc entered and I felt panic rise...this is all so strange for me as I wasn't even anxious for the mastectomies and handled the biopsies wide awake...but i think it all came tumbling down yesterday and that was the last straw that broke me... along with the meaning of the purpose of this port chemo...I was terrified... Jess could see it I am sure, the nurse anesthetist as well... the doc had me lift my shoulders and placed a rolled up blanket under my shoulders which jutted my chest forward and my head hung back... he had me turn my head the whole way to the right...then he did the strangest thing an oxygen mask was placed over my face then a bunch of blanket were piled over my whole head so i could see nothing...that added to my terror... the nurse said she was giving me something to put me out...but I was wide awake...I could no longer see any ones eyes...I said I am still awake please don't start... she said i will give you more... a few minutes later I said again I am awake please don't do anything...the doc was spraying something all over my chest...not sure if it was a freeze spray or lidocaine or antiseptic or what...but I was terrified he was gonna cut into me with me wide awake... Finally someone maybe Jess, maybe the nurse said please tent her and uncover her head she is scared and she is awake... That's the last I remember was again being able to see...Thank God... I woke up in recovery...

   The port was placed very near my left armpit, I was surprised to see it so far over there... and of how large it feels, I have been having nerve regeneration pain along with chest muscle pain from the mastectomy and the lymph nodes removed from under that arm...So I woke up IN PAIN... ALOT of it...I was really surprised by it as after the mastectomy i was kept heavily medicated so it was bad but tolerable...I couldn't even lift my arm an inch without shooting nerve pains... the nurse called the doc that gave me something for pain which helped...I was very sore all night last night and couldn't move my arm...Today is better... I am uncomfortable but mostly in the area it was implanted i have alot more use of my arm...In the long run the doc assures me this will be better for me as he used a special power port that can have pressure injections of ct contrast and such which I will be having so many tests and treatments... I read somewhere that 14 rounds of chemo me and nearly 50 needle sticks... I will be doing 24 rounds of chemo... and everything I need done will be done through there... blood drawn,chemo,meds,everything...I was not thrilled with the needle they send home with the packet I have to carry at all times... as I may set off airport security etc...a special needle is included because this is a pretty advanced device and not all hospitals are equipped with the needle needed to administer the ct injections... The thing is HUGE 20 gauge looks like the nails I use to put pictures up on the wall...Ugg...
     Anyways one more thing done... But I wanted to say  HUGE thank you to Jessica Spedden Murray...you know I love you girl...but you were there when I really needed you yesterday I DO NOT get freaked out but for whatever reason yesterday was one of those moments...and you being there really helped... I love you my friend.
    Before yesterday I kept thinking how much me being bald would impact people and allow me to share my story in hopes of helping them not have the same issues as I am faced with...But yesterday I realized it was my "normalness"  that spoke volumes...
     I have the same intention as when I started this blog that my journey will help someone in some way... It helps to talk about it...and it make me feel better that some good may come of it... I am sorry if I am too honest and too frank about the pain, suffering, and reality...but it is what it is...and I can't see the sense in sugarcoating it... Every persons situation is different and every one experiences things differently... I pray that my story does not scare you out of going and getting diagnostic tests  to make sure you are okay...I am trying to get the word out so others get diagnosed much earlier and DO NOT have to face the extremes that I have...