First course chemo

Had my first course of chemo...April 1st, 2013.  

 

 

     Had no idea what to expect and had to drag myself to get there.... Had a cluster headache and nausea from 4AM the day before which was Easter, so my stomach was already not so great.Dr Dai looked me over and said I think we hould wait one more day you look tired, well I was the headache really took a toll, but to be honest if I would have left there that day i could not have made my feet carry me back in the next day.

     Steve , Mom and Dad all were there with me, they only allow one person in the treatment room. So, Steve went back with me and Mom and Dad sat there for over four hours.

     First you get weighed have temperature checked,blood pressure and pulse, then you see the doc...Finally they take you back to "the Room". Since it was my first day and my drug allergies are tremendous I had to sit in front of the glass wall the nurses sit behind so I could be constantly monitored.

     I had been really anxious about having my port accessed the first time as many people said they screamed and make sure you get the numbing cream...But when I asked about it she said it would add another 30 to 45 minutes to my visit, so I said "nope, just stick me"...

 this is what the needle looks like it is 20 gauge it goes in through through the skin into the port and then into the artery. It kind of locks on there and then is taped in place. Blood draws and all needed chemo and meds are done through there with only one stick. I have to carry a special bracelet, wallet card etc showing I have this implanted within my body as well as a needle like this that can be used if the hospital I chose is not equipt with one when I need CTs etc. as it is the only port that allows power injected contrasts.

     So she cleaned the area really well and told me to look ou the window and take a big breath in, Steve who is always at my side held my hand and actually watched her do it....He said she just stabbed it in. Funny thing was I felt NOTHING! Steve was waiting for me to squeeze, but I did not feel a thing. Not even a whisper on my skin. Prayer maybe I dont know, but completly painless! Now after it was in I had a little pinchy burny feeling but it was very minimal.

     Dr. Dai was very concerned about me having an allergic reaction, the chemo drugs that I am gettin have a high risk of allergic reaction as well as the premeds they give you. So, she came back into the room and instructed the nurse that I was to be given one bag of premeds at a time and have it run for 30 minutes very slowly versus the normal 15 minutes per bag to make sure i would not have a reaction to them.  the first med was called Emend it is an antinausea drug that is short acting, the second bag was Aloxi long acting antiemetic or antinausea drug that stays in your body for 5 daysalong with a steroid to help combat any reaction I might have...So these two bags took an hour to administer.

     Thank God I had no allergic reaction and I felt fine while they went in. The Nurse I had her name was Teresa,she was wonderful very informative and sweet and did her best to encourage me and keep my mind off what was yet to come.Next was to be the first chemo agent called Adriamycin it is red as blood (nicknamed red devil)and has to be pushed manually by the nurse also very slowly because it is not only toxic it will eat tissue if it touches it, so it can only go into where it needs to go and not touch anything else. I had two huge syringes of this injected into my port...took her probably 30 minutes each at least. And though we talked about our kids and such, I have to say seeing that stuff go into me terrified me. I got in trouble after the first two pics as UPMC has a no picture rule... Which I did not know of noone at Magee had ever had a problem but anyways this is a stock image of it.

 

     Lastly she hung a bag of Cytoxin the last of the chemo agents that I was to get for the day...It would take 30 minutes or so to get into my system... I did not have any reactions, but I started feeling a burning nausea in my stomach shortly after the Cytoxin was hung. I was given crackers and ginger ale etc. but my belly was not feeling so great.I was given a prescription for Zofran but they only had compazine there to help with the nausea and i am allergic to it. So by the time we got home and Steve got the Zofran for me my belly was a mess...Searing pain and horrible nausea, could not even look at think of or smell food. Not even a commercial. I take the zofran round the clock every 6 hours it helps for a short time around 2 hours then i just lay , pray and try to sleep for the next 4 till I get the next dose.

     I have not been on the computer much , this is day four post chemo. I have not been able to eat much at all. The doc and nurse said they think it is worse on me with my headache condition and the fact that I get nausea easily. I have not vomited just a terrible feeling in my stomach.Was so bad the first three days I could no talk only point to what i wanted.Day two the diarhea started felt like acid coming out. Immodium  helped with that. Day three still terrible nausea and today day four is very slightly better as I have been forcing myself to eat small bites of things so that I do not only have meds in my stomach... I have been drinking a ton of fluid and keeping it down trying to fluch all of the toxins from my body.

     So, I am toxic for 7 days I can be around the kids and Steve but no kissing, drinking of my cup and all bodily fluid has to be handled with gloved then immediatly thrown away. The toilet has to be flushed two times every time i use it as a toxic film stays there. So, i have pretty much barred the kids from my room... Tori being sick is no good for me to be around though I suspect it is the same cyclical vomiting that she has had, But i do not want them around this garbage. Poor Steve was up with her for two nights straight all night as she was sick and My sis in  law has been taking care of her through the day. Tears my heart out not to be able to go to her. I did put on a mask and gloves and run to her the first time she got ill, but didnt have the energy after that.

     Steve has to work so he leaves and I miss him terribly, I have a mixture of being glad to be miserable in peace, and feeling isolated and alone. To say this is harder than I had ever imagined is an understatement. So, I am praying to God that this was attached to the headache and nausea i had before the treatment and that next time will not be so bad, because if I dont believe it i will not be able to do it...

     I go back every 10 days to have blood work done to check my counts... Then start the next course of chemo on the 3rd week. I will have four treatments of these two meds... then I will be switched to another chemo agent named Taxol i will have it every week for 12 weeks. the side effects are different for it so i pray that the nausea subsides.

     Today i am slightly more tolerably nauseous but very tired and have slept off and on when I am able to get my stomach settled.

     I am living on ice water, frozen italian ice, fruit cups ,an occasional boost, and once in a great while a slice of toast or a graham cracker. I forced myself to eat a plain hamburger to get some protein...Everything tasteds like metal and salt... but my tummy does feel a little better after I eat.

     My head is tingly and weird feeling... My hair has already started coming out... the nurse said be prepared it will be gone likely before my second treatment. So if i feel well enough i have an appt Monday to get it off and get my wig... If I don't feel well enough then I will send someone to get my wig and i will just let it come out on its own as i cannot imagine going anywhere feeling this crappy. As I sit here my hair is on the keyboard... I just want it taken care of I am too sick to deal with it.Many are saying why not wait and see if it for sure falls out... The meds for breast cancer are different and it is inevitable that i will lose it I already am.

      Mom and dad are coming today to try and coax me to eat... Barb, Bubby has been here for a week straight with Tori being so ill...

 

    The day of chemo Tori came home sick and had diarrhea horribly and vomiting for three days, So I am praying that maybe some of the way i feel is a virus and not the effects of these meds.As I do not know how I will drag myself to go back if it will be this bad or worse again. But I will go if I have to be dragged , wheeled ,carried, as there are too many people I love in this beautiful world for me to give up on them...

     I am just very overwhelmed and had no idea it would be this bad...everyone has different experiences and maybe my next treatment will not be so bad. But I have been holding on to prayer , family and the knowledge that many of my dear friends have travelled through this dark tunnel and  made it to the other side, That's is where I draw my HOPE...I have handed it to God because this is much bIGGER than me. I try to be strong and not break down around those i love but it is impossible to feel this miserable yet act like everything is okay. So I just lay here and try to make it minute by minute... that's the best I can do... Hoping the next time I talk to you all I can give you some better news... And  pray this is doing what it needs to do so i can LIVE... xoxo

    I love you all and am so grateful for the well wishes and prayers and I know that you worry, so I wanted to update you a little. I go Thursday for my blood count and will see then if we stick with the same plan. Until then thanks for following me on my journey , your support has been priceless to me, I think of you all and of the prayers you offer and the loving words and it carries me through the roughest of times... I have 15 more chemo session , 176 more days till this part of the journey is prayerfully over. I cannot wait for the few days i can get outts this bed and work a little and take my mind off this for awhile... That day will come soon... but tonight Tori feels better savannah will be home soon, Mom , Dad, Bubby, and Steve are here and Jesus never leaves me... so I plan to snuggle and just get by minute by minute and be grateful that I my prognosis was not even worse and that I still have a chance... and I will take that chance and run with it and do what I must because this life of mine is too precious and I am too Blessed to EVER give up!