We are all really sick so we don't have a lot of exciting stories to share but each little accomplishment, each little success means so much in our little worlds. Some have been rebels and skipped a treatment to be able to go and take a small trip or see a loved one... Some have simply been able to make it to the porch... There is no one there my age... I suspect only one other lady there may have breast cancer as she is sporting the same peach fuzz 'do as me... We all have different chemos so the side effects vary drastically. But in short, in that room it does not matter who you are, how old you are, or what you are fighting...we are all in it together and cheering each other on... and we are friends.
The room itself is a big communal room with small knee wall type barriers between the sections... Each section has enough room for one chemo treatment recliner and one small chairs for the visitor with the patient an iv poll a stool for the nurse and a medical equipment rolling cart with drawers. Facing you is the exact same set up... so you have two patients per cubby and then a walkway and the same setup the other side. There is no privacy here, you can see clearly the other three patients and the people with them at all times. I would imagine there are around 25 treatment areas...a room with a bed for those that cant sit up and take treatment and an overflow room for really busy days that is a makeshift chemo room.
So, anyways last chemo day I was not feeling well...had struggled the whole week and plain did not want to be there... I wasn't in the best mood and did not want to deal with another day in that chair. Typically I just sit there and talk to Mom and dad and the other patients and nurses and wait for the time to go by...
But on this day I had packed some ribbon and a needle and thread and planned to make some roses as I sat there to try to pass the time and not have to talk , or relate or deal, as I felt really cruddy and didn't want to smile or pretend it was okay this day.
We found our seats close to the back where there was the least people and the closest to the restroom we could get as I make a lot of trips there and walking is not so easy for me anymore. I noticed immediately it was NOISY that day... TVS were turned up loudly...people were speaking LOUDLY... I guess just everything was on my nerves... Cancer and the whole situation was on my nerves.
So, for a while no one sat across for me so we had our little cubby to ourselves. But shortly it started filling up the seat directly across from me was taken by a sweet lady who was obviously suffering and just kept her eyes shut and something covering her mouth and nose, clearly trying to fight nausea.
So, I talked a little to Mom and Dad , then took out my ribbon and started making my roses...I was hooked to my premeds and knew I had a little time before the sickness kicked in.
Then in he came... A tall white haired gentlemen who was accompanied by a sweet lady with a genuine smile and softness about her. He turned around and grinned the biggest grin I had ever seen and his eyes were full of twinkles... he announced "my name is Willy Ray and I am 72 years old" in a loud clear voice. He sat down in his chemo chair and just kept on talking... his sister was the lady with him and she kept shushing him and saying now Willy you need to settle down... Not in a mean way but clearly had been around rejection concerning him before.
So , I then put down my roses and started paying attention to just who Willy Ray was... He was there for chemo, he had some form of lymphoma... He had been there the day before hooked to the chemo infusion for 8 hours! and had spent time in the hospital having two treatments prior to that... Willy Ray was 72 but he had something different about him...he thought and acted as a child... and he was beautiful. So, after I had heard a little, when his sister shushed him I said "Please let him speak I would like to hear his story...everyone has a story and I am gonna be here for 2 hours so if you wanna talk Willy I am gonna listen." That smile never left his face...even when he spoke of how they had taken bone samples from his hip and hadn't gotten all they needed and had to go in the second time and the nurse told him she couldn't believe her hadn't yelled as grown men scream during that procedure... he smiled when he said " I told her you do what you have to do cause I wanna get better I wanna live"... and he smiled when he said "and No I didn't scream".
At that point my Mom was in tears and Dad was listening intently...and I wondered in my mind how many people had found no worth in what this sweet soul had to say... in how pure his thoughts were and how simple his life but how precious he realized it was... I walked over and asked if I could hug him and he said "yes, I like you, You are tall and I like your hair that way, it looks nice". I wasn't wearing a hat just my bald self... Willy lived right next door to his sister who helped care for him...he used his social security check to buy bikes for the kids in the neighborhood...he painted Disney characters in glow in the dark paint on his kitchen walls cause he liked how they sparkled in the dark... Willy was full of smiles and sunshine and thought everyone was his friend...
He wasn't unaware of the cancer he had or the treatments and sickness that came with it, he was just still gonna be Willy and he was still gonna smile.
He called my Dad sir even though Dad was younger than him and talked of his love for children and of how he was married once, but the lady ran off with someone else but that he kept the 5 children didn't want and cared for them. He said he took good care of his wife, and had nothing bad to say about her, but he was blessed because he had no children of his own and was glad to have hers. He would go from subject to subject pretty fast his attention not really staying in one place but taking joy in everything.
I was rolling roses again which fascinated him... he watched and then listed all of the many ways you could use these beautiful roses to decorate with... and he was so serious when he was thinking of this... Willy saw beauty in everything and Willy is beautiful!
About midway through my chemo the nausea kicks in and I get really sick, as I said there is no privacy there so it is what it is... The sweet sister of his was so kind and concerned and I was so glad that he had her to help him through this harsh world.
They were finished before us and as they got up to leave I called him over and handed him a perfect pink satin rose and asked him if he would please keep it and when he looked at it think of me as his new friend and know that I prayed for him... He said "yes Mam I will...and he held it gently as he left.
I hope I am lucky enough to see Willy again...as he was a blessing to be around... But the lesson I learned that day was how selfish I had been being in a bad mood and feeling sorry for myself...not wanting to be there...trying to not interact...and just how lucky I am...The world is really quite simple all that we could ever possibly need to be happy is right here in front of us...
Willy Ray you taught me a lot that day and I am grateful to have met you!
Awwwww! How Sweet!
ReplyDelete